Angel Pick-up Lines
by Maxie-A
Summary: "Ashei, I am not going to flirt with a scarecrow." Sequel to Pacifist


**I have no idea where this came from, my brain just spat it out. Anyways this talks about angels and I'm not sure if angels actually exist in LoZ's culture but that's not stopping me from making angel pick-up lines. Enjoy.**

* * *

"...Please tell me this is all just a silly joke."

Of course, Ashei was not one to joke like this. Her humour was dry and usually dark. This was goofy on a level of which she could not comprehend.

"Do it."

"Ashei, I am not going to flirt with a scarecrow. I don't flirt with scarecrows, hell, I don't flirt at all!"

"Do you want to confess to Link or not?"

"If I say not, can we forget this ever happened?"

"No."

Shad groaned, burying his face into his hands, fighting the urge to simply kick the scarecrow down and march away. If he does that, Ashei would surely give him a black eye, which he can't afford considering that black eye or not, she's going to force him to confess. And there is no way in hell he's going to confess with a black eye. He's not even going to risk that.

"What makes you think there's even a possibility that Link likes me?"

"Don't know, don't care. Everything always feels better when there's nothing but truth between two people in any sort of relationship, be it friendship or more. Even if Link rejects you, I doubt he'll start ignoring you. He's a nice boy."

There was a lot of truth in that. Link may be sarcastic and tease his friends a lot, but when he's not doing any of that, he's nothing but understanding and willing to do anything for the people he cares about. He'd go out of his way to make sure his friends are feeling good about themselves any time of the day, and he knows to never go too far with his teasing... Honestly, he was just a nice young man with a somewhat silly personality. Added with a bit... er, a LOT of adventurous instincts.

"Still, I don't want to be rejected."

"Shad, let me show you exactly what Link would do after he will, supposedly, reject you, which there's another 50% chance he won't do, yeah? 'I'm sorry Shad, I wish I did feel the same way. I don't want you to feel bad. I'm not the best guy out there, and honestly, I'm sure there's someone spectacular out there way better than me who would be the perfect match for you! I'm sorry I'm not the one, but don't give up, okay, pal? I'll be here every step of the way! Hell, I'll even help you find the perfect guy, I promise!' Tell me that doesn't sound like Link. Say it."

He couldn't say that. Because that most certainly sounded like Link.

"Dammit, Ashei."

"Ah, I know what you're thinking, now. That the fact that he would respond like that means that there's no person in Hyrule that could beat Link, yeah?"

"Exactly. Which is why I really, honest to Nayru, don't want to be rejected. This is a bad idea."

Ashei glared and crossed her arms, slightly raising an eyebrow.

"What did I tell you to do?"

"Flirt with a scarecrow...?"

"And why would I have you flirt if our goal is to get you to confess. See where I'm going with this, yeah?"

Oh. _Oh._ She... She wanted Shad to try seduction.

"You're out of your bloody mind."

"Why not, it could help."

"Or I could utterly embarrass myself and destroy any chances I could possibly have with the old boy to begin with. Hell no, I'm not going through with this."

"Too bad, you promised already. You remember? At Yeto and Yeta's place?"

Ugh. He DID promise. Not that he wanted to, but Ashei just wouldn't shut up about his crush! And Link was quite literally sleeping a few inches away from Shad, if he had woken up, it would have been a disaster! What was he supposed to do? Sit there and let her pester him until Link woke up and found out about the crush anyways?

"Ashei—"

She slapped him hard on the back, stopping him mid sentence, and turned him towards the scarecrow with a sword and shield made of hay on it's back, wearing an ugly brown potato sack cut to look like Link's hat. Honestly, those beady black button eyes aren't going to make this easy, even if he _wanted_ to learn how to flirt.

"Say it looks pretty."

"It looks godawful."

"Strike one."

A hard slap right between his shoulder blades, and Shad struggled to breathe for a moment. Like hell he wants to experience that again.

"Say it looks pretty."

"It looks pretty."

" _Tell it_ that you think it's pretty."

This is going to be a loooong day.

* * *

Shad couldn't believe this. He actually spent three days learning the corniest pick-up lines and flirts in the books, and honestly, he knows for a fact that if he said a single one of these to Link, the old boy would be wondering what the hell is wrong with him to say such weird things. Even if the hero liked him back, there's no way he'd fall for any of this! Angel jokes, puns, one-liners, they are all predictable and cheesy as hell!

Shad was fairly sure reciting these would make Link laugh his ass off.

And yet, here Shad was, sitting with Ashei while Auru and Rusl were at home, Link on the way. Honestly, it was an unfortunate coincidence that both Rusl and Auru had gotten a bit sick. This meant that Ashei had the time to force Shad into flirting with the hero, which was bad. Very bad.

And oh look, speak of the devil.

"Hello, Link," Shad had said with the best smile he could muster in his current position. However, his smile quickly faded as Link sat down, barely giving any effort to smile. His lips only quirked for a slight seconds, eyes meeting Shad's for the exact same amount of time, and he lowered his gaze down to his lap.

"Is... something wrong?"

"Colin got slightly sick, too."

Shad frowned. Link treated Collin like his younger brother, so this was obviously going to bring his mood down for a while. Hell, if anything were the befall any children of his home, he'd be just as upset. He was the brother figure of the whole village.

"I wanted to do something for him while he was sick, catch him some of those golden bugs, since he thinks they're pretty, and it would be nice to have a bug friend around, you know? But ever since Agatha's bug kingdom got popular, too many people have been on the lookout for golden bugs, and... well, I can't find any."

Shad nodded, slowly becoming a bit saddened as well. He hated seeing Link like this.

"Well... Heh, how about making some golden wings and strapping them on yourself?"

Link snorted, raising a hand to hide his smile.

"Ahh, sadly, I don't think wings suit me all that much."

"No? Well, I hear angels are warriors who descend from above to protect humanity. You're the closest thing to an angel I've seen, so I say wings might suit you quite well!"

Wait.

Did he just say that?

He... He didn't even mean to.

All the same, Link seemed to grow a tiny bit red in the face, looking to the side and laughing brightly.

"You've got a strange idea of angels. I'm definitely no angel."

"Well... what makes you say that? W-wait," Shad chuckled, giving off a cheesy grin that meant nothing but foolishness. "Maybe, uh, maybe you secretly are, and if people found out, they'd start making those horrendous angel pick-up lines! Tell me, Link, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

Link started laughing harder, holding both hands to his mouth, trying to suppress his giggles.

"Oh gosh, Shad, no!"

"Are the angels having a vacation? How are you walking among us?"

"Stop!"

"L-link, wait, you got something on your head..."

Link patted his head, removing his hat, still slightly chuckling.

"There's nothing there."

"Ah, I see it clearly now. It's a halo!"

"Oh my goodness Shad, those are so bad, stop it!"

"Your heavenly laughter contradicts your hellish words, my dear."

Link lost it and slammed his face onto the table, giggling uncontrollably. Honestly it was adorable that he snorted while laughing, Shad didn't really see why he tried to cover it up. But that was Link's choice, he supposed.

"Shad... where did you even learn any of this?"

"Ashei. She said that if I ever were to fall in love with someone, I'd need good material."

He was shot a look from the silent spectator. He chuckled.

"I think that was good material. I got you laughing, and that was actually my goal. Do you feel better, now?"

Link lifted his head an nodded, a goofy smile plastered to his face. Then he stood up and stretched, putting his hat back on, ready to go out and catch some bugs.

"Honestly, Shad? That was the most I've laughed in a while. A lot of things have been piling up and I've just been really tired. Thanks. It's fun talking with you."

Link made it to the door, and before he closed it behind him, he looked over his shoulder and smirked.

"Oh, and I like you too, Shad."

The door closed, and Shad sat there in shock. A few moments later, Ashei was laughing.

"W-what...?"

"I _told_ you your crush was obvious! Seems like Link isn't as oblivious as we all thought he was, yeah? Pfft—"

"Wait... So he...?"

"He likes you. In summary, go get some of that ass."

"ASHEI, DON'T SAY THAT—"


End file.
